Archive for March, 2013

Do you have any idea how much money my country has given your country?

Falling Down isn’t a racist movie… Michael Douglas’ character is an equal opportunity vigilante who also goes after whites, Hispanics, and a neo-nazi asshole! Probably one of the best movies he’s ever been in. I’m posting this because his answer to his own question is pretty funny.

(for the record, an actual Korean wouldn’t say “fi”, he would say “pie-buh”)

posted by Michael in Misc. Videos on 3/19/2013 | No Comments

This is how you sell soju

For the uninitiated, soju is more or less the national booze of Korea

posted by Michael in Television on 3/19/2013 | No Comments

A disaster waiting to happen

Starting tomorrow I’ll be on the radio every Monday from 4:30 to 5:30! Well for a couple months anyway, and hopefully they’ll keep me around and/or give me my own show if I can manage to be halfway entertaining AND prevent myself from spewing my usual inappropriateness all over the airwaves.

I’m guest hosting a show with their regular guy in the 4:30-5:30 time slot and we’re gonna talk about old movies and play music from old soundtracks. It’s a show for old people, so naturally they called me in.

The movies and music are mine to choose, that’s kind of what the guest host does, so I’m basically just choosing movies whether they’re good or not as long as they have decent music. Tomorrow’s lineup features music from The Big Chill and Stand By Me, and even though the music will be pleasing in an oldies kind of way,  if you tune in long enough to hear me talk I’m sure you’ll eventually start shaking your head in disgust.

In Seoul, turn your dial to 101.3 FM or online go to http://tbs.seoul.kr/ and click on FM 101.3 in the blue nav bar at the top. I’m not putting a link here cuz I’m pretty sure they’ll fire me if they ever find LIK and realize how evil I really am.

 

posted by Michael in Whatever on 3/17/2013 | No Comments

A family that shits together stays together

Well isn’t that just precious

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posted by Michael in Whatever on 3/14/2013 | No Comments

Bachelor pad, before and after

Wow. I’ve lived in this place for three years already. But now it’s time to move! Gonna have to give up the dishwasher, 19th floor roof garden, really big windows overlooking the street, living next door to a big supermarket, certain places nearby where Terry likes to shit, and the ever-present possibility of meeting an emotionally unstable hookup in the elevator, but that’s the way it is. Time to move on.

Shithole before

Shithole before

Sweet lovenest after

Sweet lovenest after

posted by Michael in Whatever on 3/12/2013 | No Comments

Hey asshole, put your dog on a leash

LIK returns from its very, very long hiatus (7 months!) to bitch about these fucking people who think it’s ok to let their big dogs run around the streets of Seoul without a leash.

Since last summer, Terry has been attacked by bigger dogs twice. The first time it happened I didn’t really see the threat until it had picked Terry up by the back and was literally shaking him around like a toy. The dog seemed nice enough until he got too close and Terry went apeshit, and I had to stomp on that dog’s back to make him let go… and that day I learned not to let that shit happen again. This dog was chained up outside a restaurant but somehow got loose and found Terry. I yelled at the owners as best I could, but berating people in Korean isn’t something I’m very good at.

The second time it just happened too fast cuz I didn’t see the other dog until he was about 10 feet away. This time the dog’s owner was a fucking asshole who clearly didn’t take care of her. The dog looked like some kind of boxer mix, and her tits were practically dragging on the ground so that’s a good indicator he just lets her run wild, and after a little scuffle between Terry and the pregnant bitch I laid into this guy with every variation of the F word I could think of. He wasn’t Korean so he understood me and he had the fucking nerve to yell back like his off-leash dog was somehow my fault.

So today some old Korean guy is out walking with a goddam Saint Bernard. The dog seemed very docile, was walking towards Terry, but I don’t care how fucking nice a dog seems. If Terry feels threatened he’s gonna go into fight mode, and the other dog will too. So I’m trying to shoo this dog off, and his owner is saying something like “oh he won’t bite”, and eventually I just yelled at the top of my lungs GET YOUR FUCKING DOG OUT OF HERE, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. And he grabbed his dog’s collar and walked off. He might not have understood exactly what I said, but all Koreans know the word Fuck and he definitely knew I was about to lose it.

Stories like these aren’t exclusive to Korea… assholes all over the world are negligent with their dogs… but the problem in Korea is that if someone’s dog kills Terry, the police won’t do shit. The dog-eating Korean stereotype is way overblown and Koreans do like animals as pets, but they’re generally still seen as lowly animals whose owners apparently won’t be held responsible for shit unless a human gets hurt. I could probably start a dog-fighting business here and get away with it indefinitely because Korean authorities don’t give a fuck if an animal kills an animal.

So there you have it. If I ever find myself in a Korean jail cell, it’ll be because I kicked the living shit out of someone whose dog got a piece of Terry.

And for anyone who plans on walking down the street with a big dog, even if it’s the nicest one on the planet… PUT YOUR DOG ON A MOTHERFUCKING LEASH. Thanks.

posted by Michael in Terry the Dog on 3/12/2013 | No Comments