Archive for September, 2010

Doing stupid shit while drinking

Korea seems to have only two liquor laws: (1) don’t drink & drive, and (2) be at least 18-ish before you start getting hammered in public. Law #2 is very loosely enforced.

So Alaska and I were wandering around with Terry, beers in hand, and came upon a baby stroller that had been left out with the trash. Since Alaska’s a big fan of throwing out perfectly good shit (he’s about to throw away a non-stained, non-torn, 8-month old couch), I kind of challenged him to see if the stroller was flawed. He did his best to assess the item’s condition and it turned out the wheels seemed to be stuck in a locked position, but we didn’t really stick around long enough to make a valid effort at fixing the problem… although we did briefly consider trying to sell the unit to our friend Dan whose wife just popped out a baby not too long ago.

If your stroller's busted, don't bother calling Alaska

If your stroller's busted, don't bother calling Alaska

Note to self: Terry's not a fan of riding in a stroller, so don't even bother

Note to self: Terry's not a fan of riding in a stroller, so don't even bother

posted by Michael in Whatever on 9/23/2010 | No Comments

Wikipedia is dumb!

I met my friend Regina downstairs at Starbuck’s today and told her about how Wikipedia says village folk like to dress up as cows and turtles for Chuseok, and she’s never heard of such nonsense!

'That's insane! That's crazy! WTF!'

'Huh? That's insane! That's crazy! WTF!'

posted by Michael in Culture on 9/22/2010 | No Comments

Happy Chew-Suck

It’s actually spelled “Chuseok” (or 추석), and it’s the second biggest holiday in Korea behind Seolnal (Lunar New Year), and it’s this week which means the streets are pretty empty right now since everyone and their mother has fled town to get drunk with relatives.

According to Wikipedia, “on Chuseok there is a mass exodus of Koreans returning to their hometowns to pay respects to the spirits of one’s ancestors” which is true, but it also says that “village folk dress themselves to look like a cow or a turtle” which, VERY unfortunately, I’ve never seen, probably cuz I don’t know any ‘village folk’! I know it sounds a little nutty but, before you go off thinking that Korean villagers are all insane in the membrane, consider that in about a month Americans will be dressing up their children like Spiderman (or is it Iron Man this year?) so they can walk the streets begging for candy from complete strangers. Koreans may do some weird shit in the name of tradition, but I think America still rules in that department.

I think these crazy kids are saying something like 'Happy Chuseok, try not to crash your car into a tree'

I think these crazy kids are saying something like 'Happy Chuseok, try not to crash your car into a tree'

posted by Michael in Culture on 9/21/2010 | No Comments

I am not a crook

I have no idea who this little girl is, but something tells me we’ll be seeing her on Comedy Central sometime down the road. Nice find, K-Dub!

posted by Michael in Whatever on 9/18/2010 | No Comments

Hannam Market is dead!

Used to be if you wanted to get non-Korean shit your best bet was Ripoff, I mean, Hannam Market where a can of Spaghettios went for $5… but last time I went there the place was closed down! Haha, good. Serves those price gouging bastards right.

Still standing is Dandy’s Grocery which is in the same building. The Dandy’s lady, who’s super nice btw, was probably jumping for joy when her biggest competitor shut its doors! Dandy’s is also kind of expensive, but their prices were always lower than across the lobby. Wonder if that’s gonna change now…

How to get to Dandy’s: Get off the subway at Hangangjin (brown line by Itaewon), exit 2. Go straight, cross the street on the pedestrian bridge when you see it, and hang a right towards the Volvo building. It’s in the B1 level of the building with the bowling pin in front of it. I think they close at 7 pm.

Dandy's bogarted a bunch of Hannam's old shelves and stock

Dandy's bogarted a bunch of Hannam's old shelves and stock (that dark area behind the glass is where Hannam Market used to be)

The lady at Dandy's speaks English so don't sweat it

The lady at Dandy's speaks English so don't sweat it

posted by Michael in Whatever on 9/15/2010 | No Comments

Burger Tests 1 & 2

Burger Test #1 was a couple weeks ago with Ben, BHYB, and their Korean friend Celine. All three liked Burger A better than Burger B, the major difference being that A had a couple of top-secret spices mixed in. But, in fairness to the relatively plain Burger B, my shitty time management prevented Burger B from having the luxury of sitting in the fridge before hitting the grill.

Burger Test #2 was just the other day with Bina and five of her hot lady friends! Ok, they weren’t all hot, but any day I open my door and see six Korean girls waiting to be let in is a good day in my book. So Bina and her crew were split… half liked A and half liked B. And surprisingly enough they also seemed to like the spicy mayo sauce I created on the suggestion of yet another Korean friend who, so far, hasn’t tasted my meat yet. Part of me was waiting for them to puke up the spicy stuff (personally I don’t think it’s that great) but Bina tasted it straight up and didn’t gag so I’m taking that as a good sign!

It was just a matter of time before LIK would feature of a photo of me massaging my meat

It was just a matter of time before LIK would feature of a photo of me massaging my meat with both hands

Bina (far left) is helping me launch my food service empire

Bina (far left) is helping me launch my food service empire

An early prototype

An early prototype of the Jucy Lucy which I won't be serving cuz it's a pain in the ass to make

posted by Michael in Whatever on 9/11/2010 | No Comments

Cheeseburgers not tacos!

In case it wasn’t clear from my last post with the fake burger truck logo, I’ve decided to sell cheeseburgers from the Giant Yellow (for now) Truck I bought yesterday! Even though I spent a whole day in July with an awesome Mexican lady who taught me the right way to make a taco, I’ve realized the following:

  • Ingredients for burgers are waaaayyy easier to get in Korea than taco stuff
  • 100% of Koreans know and love burgers, but tacos not so much
  • Burgers are easier to prep both in the kitchen and on the truck
  • Despite the taco boot camp training, I’m still a lot better at grilling meat patties

This isn’t to say that tacos are completely out of the picture… there’s a good chance they’ll surface at some point in the future after I’ve fully mastered Ms. Magda’s secret techniques… but right now I’m going with what I know which is In-N-Out-style bacon cheeseburgers and the soon-to-be-famous Triple Double (double meat, double cheese, double bacon).

And now that I’ve lit a fire under my ass by acquiring a 3-ton mobile grill, things are starting to move forward mainly because I hired my first employee last week. Today was the first day on the job for my new assistant (read: translator) during which she helped me avert a major parking crisis. Last night I had accidentally parked in someone else’s reserved spot on the street, and I already knew that most parking lots don’t want MegaTruck anywhere near their property, so the lovely and talented Bina took care of it for me this morning! Turns out I had unknowingly found a suitable parking lot on my own already, but without her the old guy in the box probably would have told me to go fuck myself. Several others turned me away last week when I was looking for parking on my own, and now Bina shows up and *bam* I’ve got a place to put the monster! Pretty good for day one.

This is the cheeseburger that made me think DANG I GOTTA START SELLING THIS SHIT (the little one on the right was for Terry)

This is the cheeseburger that made me think DANG I GOTTA START SELLING THIS SHIT (the little one on the right was for Terry)

posted by Michael in Whatever on 9/7/2010 | Comments (2)

What is this?

Oh I know, it’s my ticket to fame & fortune… or it’s my ticket to financial ruin! Only time will tell.

Buying this beast was a huge pain in the ass, but it happened today and all it took was an asshole cab driver who drove me right past the place where the transaction was to take place, plus another jackass who was supposed to show up but wound up ditching me, plus about two hours of paperwork hell and intermittent phone calls to the GOA’L office for translation help. Easy, right?!

I own the road! SO GET OUT DA WAY

I own the road! SO GET OUT DA WAY

The view from the cockpit

The view from the cockpit as I drive for the first time in a foreign country

I need to name this thing! And so far this is all I got...

I need to name this thing! And so far this is all I got...

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posted by Michael in Whatever on 9/6/2010 | No Comments