For most of the past 10 years I’ve avoided being in photos because (a) I’m incredibly ugly, and (b) I knew my goddam fake eye would be looking the wrong way. What, you didn’t know I have a fake eye? Welcome to the freak show!
So I finally got sick of wearing a substandard piece of plastic in my face and went to the guy I should have seen the last time I felt the need to buy an eyeball. Robert B. Scott Ocularists has an office in downtown Chicago (and one in the suburbs and maybe one in Florida too) and they made my first two eyes which were awesome, but the third one was made by some other guy in San Francisco where I was living at the time and it sucked. This time around I got it done right.
The process took a bunch of visits over a period of a few weeks. First they had to make a mold of my eyeball by squirting some goo over my eye, then they made a clear shell for fitting purposes (my fake eye is actually like a big contact lens, not a golf ball), then they painted the iris, then they painted the rest of the eye, and the rest was fine-tuning the fit… and by “they” I actually mean Roland Scott, the master of eye-making. Seriously, this guy is World Class.
And now comes the gross-out in the form of some photos from my eye-making adventure.
Conclusion: If you’re half-blind like me and need an ocularist, make an appointment with Robert B. Scott in Chicago. Book a flight if you have to. Robert himself has been retired for about a million years now, but his son Roland is The Man and the day he retires I’m gonna start wearing an eye patch! I would honestly fly from Seoul to Chicago to have him do my next eye, and since I’m about to move to Seoul for the foreseeable future I may wind up doing just that sometime down the road.